TEACHERS COMMENTS DECODED

Teachers are some of society’s smartest individuals. They are literally tasked with molding our future generations for success. At times it can get a bit trying. Being the smart teachers they are, these fine men and women don’t come out and just yell what they’re thinking—well a few do, here’s looking at you Ms. Bumpers. Hope you got those anger issues under control—so instead they’ve found a way to get their frustration out without the students being any the wiser. To help pinpoint what they’re really trying to say though, here are teachers comments decoded.

 

1. “Wow third time today you want the bathroom pass? Do I need to write you a note to the nurse instead?”

What they mean: “I know you aren’t really going to the bathroom. But if you insist on continuing to leave my classroom to go hang out in the hallways, I will embarrass you in front of everyone here and send you to the nurse’s office for the stomach problems that three trips to the bathroom in an hour would warrant.”

2. “Your essays provided ample entertainment for my weekend.”

What they mean: “I had to spend my entire weekend trudging through these essays. I put more work into reading them then you obviously did writing them. It took three bottles of wine and imagining these were all written as a comedy club set to get through them.”

3. “Don’t worry I’m not actually saying anything important up here in the front of the classroom, talking about your lesson.”

What they mean: “I guarantee you that Brittney’s run down of her date with Tom will not be the subject of your next test but please continue to have that conversation instead of paying attention to me. The teacher. Who’s responsible for helping you pass this class, grade and school so you can go make something of your life. I just stand up here and talk for fun.”

4. “Sit back down. The bell doesn’t release you; only I can release you.”

What they mean: “I’m just as ready as you are for this day to be over and everyone to get out of here but I’m not going to let an inanimate object control the day. I will hold you here until you realize that I’m in charge…and to help give me a head start to the parking lot.”

5. “I’m glad you asked because yes the instructions have changed from the previous two times I gave them.”

What they mean: “I literally explained this twice already and if you had paid attention to start with I wouldn’t be taking extra time out of our day to go over the same thing. Next time just listen when I’m talking because what I’m saying may actually be something you need to hear. I will not accept an unfinished assignment or project because you decided to get on Twitter instead of listening as I gave the instructions.”