The Anti-Flat Sheet Revolution
First of all, I am not reponsible for starting this revolution. I am simply carrying it on, as per my obligation from high school. I am not entirely sure who originated this. I am sure I have stayed loyal to the cause. I did however, invent the game and the Rules of the Revolution below.
I hate flat sheets. I’ll take a quilt, a throw, a sweater, a towel, a comforter, a toilet seat cover, or a large, but light child over a flat sheet to keep warm.
Now I’m not just going off the deep end and asking you to burn your flat sheets without just cause. These annoying little pieces of hell always end up at the end of the bed, the floor, or wrapped around my neck or leg if I’m having a particularly aggressive dream.
How to join the revolution:
First you leave a comment stating your loyalty the cause.
Second you do one of the following. Either burn your flat sheet and attach a photo. (You must be 18 and older to burn anything, not drunk, and have damn good insurance). See my statement below required by my attorney.
Play the flat sheet game. Oh, you’ve never played? Well I can assure You, I will beat you every night. If you beat my high score please feel free to let me know. Rules of the Revolution:
Before falling asleep-
flat sheet at the foot of the bed: 50 points
flat sheet on the floor: 50 points
flat sheet wrapped around any part of your body: 50 points
lost sock in the flat sheet: 50 points
flat sheet torn: 100 points
Wake up in the middle of the night-
flat sheet at the foot of the bed: 25 points
flat sheet on the floor: 25 points
flat sheet wrapped around any body part: 25 points
lost sock in the flat sheet: 25 points
flat sheet torn: 50 points
when you wake up in the morning-
flat sheet at the foot of the bed: 10 points
flat sheet on the floor: 10 points
flat sheet wrapped around a body part: 10 points
lost sock in the flat sheet: 10 points
flat sheet torn: 25 points
There are ways to earn bonus points: for example if you are staying in a hotel, add 10 points for each offense above. Or if you and your spouse both wake up with the same score, add 50 points to both parties final score. And finally, if you wake up at any point and just flat out can not find the flat sheet you get 200 points.
Please keep me posted on your progress. When life hands you grapes…..Join the Revolution!